Finding out that your spouse is having an extra-marital affair is definitely a heartbreaking experience for anyone. You can even find yourself in situations which, due to your emotional outburst and anger, you have resorted to some embarrassing acts just to release the pain caused by cheating. There are news of a husband climbing towers to commit suicide after knowing his wife is having an affair, a woman gate-crashing a party to confront another woman which happens to be her best friend, such stories which are almost comical for other people to hear or see but very real and painful to those who is actually experiencing it. It is expected because having an extra marital affair shakes the entire foundation of marriage which is trust and faith. It is very easy to get carried to your emotions under these circumstances, but what will happen next after? Will you be able to carry out yourself gracefully from the humiliating acts you have done to vent out your frustrations and anger? What should anyone do in the face of this kind of marital dilemma?
First thing you can do is, yes, to recognize the pain. Don't deny yourself the fact that it can also happen to you even if you think you are the perfect couple. Allow yourself to grieve but do not wallow in despair too much as if there's no way to turn back things around. It's now time to be proactive rather than clingy or hyper emotional.
Secondly, again this will take intense humility and self-control to the offended party, is setting-up a conversation. Discussion leads to understanding and understanding leads to options. You can do this with only the two of you talking or if both parties agree, with a neutral third party who can help you see things which both of you may neglect because of the emotional tension both covering the two of you. Set a definite time for these when both parties are calm and sane enough to discuss. After all, your marriage deserves a chance to the informations you will come up from having this kind of talk.
To be able to answer this, you should first consider the other aspects of your life rather than focusing on each other's personal happiness. You have already invested on a lot of things as you went on your married life - your home, children, relatives, friends, and finances are all a part of these. It was not only about feeling married but having a life together. And you have to consider all of these aspects when you decide whether you want to commit yourself again to the same person you are with when you started your life you are now into.
In choosing the right person who will mediate you in the process of resolving, in case you have decided to seek one, choose the one who will see the situation in general and who does not tend to incline on either party. Do not feel embarrassed that you have to undergo this kind of discussion. A professional counselor, a spiritual elder, a trusted mature friend, these can prove valuable to the couple and could offer insights, observations and options that the couple might not be able to see right away amid the hurt. Professional counselors would also have the scientific tools, exercises and methods with which to encourage dialogue that the couple might otherwise not have access to. Upon knowing the reason why the marriage is failing will help you assess your personalities at the same time. In fact, even though you are still hurting on these moments, it may be the perfect time for growth. Take this opportunity to re-examine your expectations and inspirations within your marriage and maybe even improve your confidence and well-being.
Yes, the period of time you are trying to mend marriage and resolving conflicts is the perfect time to work on your personal strengths. If you are the offending party, be able to contribute and take efforts to save the marriage. End the affair and keep your promise while taking time to regain trust from your partner. On the other, the offended spouse can work on rebuilding her self-esteem, learning how to understand her reactions and all in all becoming a whole person in herself and an active partner in the relationship. And then do the works together. Spend a vacation together or just spend more time together. If the pain is searing back again, try to overcome it by remembering your most happy days. And then do small acts of love to each other, just the way you have been doing on the first years of your marriage. Establish intimacy slowly but surely and you might ignite the passion which may have diminished by time. By doing this, you will be gradually putting yourselves back in track of your married life.
In general, dealing with a cheating partner is not about getting even, but modestly facing the challenge that the situation puts you into and taking it as an opportunity to take your married life into a deeper and stronger union.
About the Author:
Carmela King is a team member of 000relationships.com. She has been writing articles primarily on how to attract men and how to attract women. You are welcome to reprint this article - but get your own unique content version here.
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