My other half, Hope, once asked me, "What do you do for me that isn't attached to anything else?" Just me.
Well.
If you are tempted to feel like Hope's question is selfish in nature, you really should know that Hope does more with me in mind "just me "than I can list in this short post. She's not self-absorbed. She also knows when she wishes something and asks for it. On top of being a giving, caring partner, she also knows how to speak up.
At any rate, if you can't answer Hope's question as applied to your own relationship, perhaps you need to express the caring part of you more of the time and consider whether you are being selfish. This is what I'm working on. My life coach, Nancy Slocum, helped me today to confirm that the issue isn't whether or not I care for or love my wife, but how I express it. Do I express my caring consistently? How so? Do I express it in a way that Hope resonates with?
Through the training session I also bumped into two insights into what makes men selfish (translated: how I make myself selfish). Here they are:
Emotional Resistance. Doing for others does occur to me. I'll be sitting at my desk typing away and the thought will come: I could do X for Hope. Or: It would be nice if I got up and did the dishes now. Then, back to typing. I feel the resistance to extending myself settle in like an emotional net that constricts my awareness and keeps me focused on what I want to do rather than what I'd like to do for others. You could call this self-justification. You could just call it slackness.
Pessimism. What's the point? Life can never be so amazing that we all live in joy with each other anyway. I can just do what I desire and let the chips fall where they may. Most things end in failure and life ends in death, hence why make the effort? This drastic line of thinking is perilous for relations, I know. A large amount of men carry such pessimism and its a perfect reason to not care about vital elements of your life. Are you able to face it inside yourself?
Lack of Vision. Nancy asked me today, "Mike, what is your goal or vision for your marriage?" You know, I've been studying and teaching NLP and personal growth for over 20 years and it never ceases to dazzle me how I am able to always find areas in my life where the elementals are lacking. I can't say that I have got super clear about on a vision for my primary relationship. Fantastic! Opening to the chance of creating a positive vision for wedding and moving towards it is currently a manifest necessity, whereas I suppose prior to today I was inspired by merely avoiding the negative outcomes by default. This opens a whole new world of likelihood.
Deserving. As I express my caring more predictably and in ways which Hope resonates with, I can rationally expect to get more caring in exchange. Do I merit it? I had never considered that question before Nancy asked it today. My co-worker Jake Eagle used to remind me that I can create anything I want in my life. If I want mates, I can focus in being a good friend. If I want to earn more cash, I'm able to start to create top value for folks. If I want more Xmas presents, I'll begin giving more.
Making more isn't complicated. Give more and you may receive more. Feeling like you merit more is a fascinating phenomenon to think about as a motivating factor.
Those are my thoughts on what makes men selfish. Now I want to stop typing
Well.
If you are tempted to feel like Hope's question is selfish in nature, you really should know that Hope does more with me in mind "just me "than I can list in this short post. She's not self-absorbed. She also knows when she wishes something and asks for it. On top of being a giving, caring partner, she also knows how to speak up.
At any rate, if you can't answer Hope's question as applied to your own relationship, perhaps you need to express the caring part of you more of the time and consider whether you are being selfish. This is what I'm working on. My life coach, Nancy Slocum, helped me today to confirm that the issue isn't whether or not I care for or love my wife, but how I express it. Do I express my caring consistently? How so? Do I express it in a way that Hope resonates with?
Through the training session I also bumped into two insights into what makes men selfish (translated: how I make myself selfish). Here they are:
Emotional Resistance. Doing for others does occur to me. I'll be sitting at my desk typing away and the thought will come: I could do X for Hope. Or: It would be nice if I got up and did the dishes now. Then, back to typing. I feel the resistance to extending myself settle in like an emotional net that constricts my awareness and keeps me focused on what I want to do rather than what I'd like to do for others. You could call this self-justification. You could just call it slackness.
Pessimism. What's the point? Life can never be so amazing that we all live in joy with each other anyway. I can just do what I desire and let the chips fall where they may. Most things end in failure and life ends in death, hence why make the effort? This drastic line of thinking is perilous for relations, I know. A large amount of men carry such pessimism and its a perfect reason to not care about vital elements of your life. Are you able to face it inside yourself?
Lack of Vision. Nancy asked me today, "Mike, what is your goal or vision for your marriage?" You know, I've been studying and teaching NLP and personal growth for over 20 years and it never ceases to dazzle me how I am able to always find areas in my life where the elementals are lacking. I can't say that I have got super clear about on a vision for my primary relationship. Fantastic! Opening to the chance of creating a positive vision for wedding and moving towards it is currently a manifest necessity, whereas I suppose prior to today I was inspired by merely avoiding the negative outcomes by default. This opens a whole new world of likelihood.
Deserving. As I express my caring more predictably and in ways which Hope resonates with, I can rationally expect to get more caring in exchange. Do I merit it? I had never considered that question before Nancy asked it today. My co-worker Jake Eagle used to remind me that I can create anything I want in my life. If I want mates, I can focus in being a good friend. If I want to earn more cash, I'm able to start to create top value for folks. If I want more Xmas presents, I'll begin giving more.
Making more isn't complicated. Give more and you may receive more. Feeling like you merit more is a fascinating phenomenon to think about as a motivating factor.
Those are my thoughts on what makes men selfish. Now I want to stop typing
About the Author:
Ron Duphin offers NLP verification at iNLP Center, an NLP coaching online resource.
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