Couple counseling is eventually where a rough marriage leads, especially when both people are seriously invested in the relationship and do not want it to end. The problem is that there is no magic in talking out your problems with an objective third party. In some cases, therapy will work magic while others will not be able to overcome an eventual separation.
There is something that obviously makes all the difference in how successful this type of therapy is. What could it be?
Many people assume the difference is just in how complicated or hard the issues being dealt with are, but this is in fact untrue. Even the most severe problems have been resolved through therapy.
Ultimately, couples who do not make it never understand that they have to do more than just talk at one another during those sessions. Let's look at a few ways that you can make your own sessions work in your favor.
The first step starts with your own listening skills. It is very easy to go into a session ready to fight for your own perspectives. You get defensive and start thinking about what to say in return rather than just listening closely to what your spouse has to say. Relax and just listen.
Second, you have to be willing to bare your soul and really state what you believe. You have to be completely open and honest even if it may hurt your spouse. This is how the root issues get uncovered.
Finally, forget all the topics that you normally fight about, such as her lack of housekeeping skills or whatever. Those are just cover ups for the real issues tearing you apart, The real issues will be deeper in your emotions, so get real and stop pointing fingers and blaming one another.
So, being honest without blaming and listening to your partner as they reveal their truth in the same way is the biggest hurdle that couples who make this work have to overcome. The next hurdle is taking the things you hear and turning them into real action. Both of you have to take action to make things better, as that is what ultimate fixes the problems you uncover.
Couple counseling can in fact work, but you have to drop your guard and stop trying to be right all the time. If you can get your spouse to go along with those three keys, you will have a fighting chance at working things out.
There is something that obviously makes all the difference in how successful this type of therapy is. What could it be?
Many people assume the difference is just in how complicated or hard the issues being dealt with are, but this is in fact untrue. Even the most severe problems have been resolved through therapy.
Ultimately, couples who do not make it never understand that they have to do more than just talk at one another during those sessions. Let's look at a few ways that you can make your own sessions work in your favor.
The first step starts with your own listening skills. It is very easy to go into a session ready to fight for your own perspectives. You get defensive and start thinking about what to say in return rather than just listening closely to what your spouse has to say. Relax and just listen.
Second, you have to be willing to bare your soul and really state what you believe. You have to be completely open and honest even if it may hurt your spouse. This is how the root issues get uncovered.
Finally, forget all the topics that you normally fight about, such as her lack of housekeeping skills or whatever. Those are just cover ups for the real issues tearing you apart, The real issues will be deeper in your emotions, so get real and stop pointing fingers and blaming one another.
So, being honest without blaming and listening to your partner as they reveal their truth in the same way is the biggest hurdle that couples who make this work have to overcome. The next hurdle is taking the things you hear and turning them into real action. Both of you have to take action to make things better, as that is what ultimate fixes the problems you uncover.
Couple counseling can in fact work, but you have to drop your guard and stop trying to be right all the time. If you can get your spouse to go along with those three keys, you will have a fighting chance at working things out.
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