9/23/11

Should You Leave Your Husband After His Affair?

By Alex Haight


First of all, if your husband had cheated on you, I want to tell you that I'm truly sorry to hear that. I know how devastating it can be to find out that your spouse cheated. I've been there myself and I won't forget that ill feeling that hits you right in the stomach and the almost uncontrollable feeling of unhappiness and betrayal that haunts you for days or weeks.

But just because your husband cheated does that mean that you need to divorce him or the marriage is over? Here are a few tips to help deal with relationship problems like this:

To start with, most affairs spring from some sort of problem in your relationship. I'm not making an attempt to let your man off the hook here, but if you can understand exactly how most affairs start, you will be much better off.

There is a superb likelihood that your man had an affair because some of his desires were not being met in your marriage. Maybe he did not feel respected, or that you were emotionally available, or anything more for that matter. All that it needs for him to fall head-over-heels for another girl is that she meets one of his unmet desires. Maybe she makes him feel smart, or that he is young, or something else.

Instead of handling the issues in your relationship, your husband became infatuated with this other girl. It is, of course, a dangerous slope from a harmless little crush to an emotional affair, and finally a full-blown affair.

Now, remember that he ultimately made the choice to cheat on you, so I'm not blaming you for this. But it's really important to remember that you also had a hand in creating the situation in your own relationship that led up to the affair.

You can leave your husband or get a divorce. No one would blame you for that. But unless you're prepared to have a look at the underlying basis of the issues in your marriage, you may be condemned to repeat the same pattern in your future relationships.

You do not want to divorce your partner. Though that could be a choice only you can make, you can use this tribulation as an opportunity to look at improving your marriage and bolstering your love with your partner by working through this challenge.

This road won't be easy, but by building better communication skills, practicing forgiveness, and cooperating together to find better techniques of meeting each other's desires you and your partner can basically grow stronger together as a result of this.

Ultimately the choice is between you and your spouse. There is, however, nothing necessarily weak or embarrassing about staying together with your husband after an affair and fighting to stop your marriage ending. After all , the two of you probably did promise to remain together so long as you both shall live didn't you? Adultery is rarely something easy to deal with, but you can decide to make this either a curse or you'll be able to find the potential within this challenge to grow stronger.




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