Breaking up can truly result in you feeling crumby. There's no questions about that. But why is that?
Well, it actually all comes down to how you focus your brain. You see, when you get dumped, you immediately feel an intense sense of rejection.
Your partner just left you for one reason or another, and you'd better accept that this can hurt.
But it's only natural instinct to need to prove ourselves after feelings of rejection. That's why we often try and do stuff like work out "why" we were dumped or win back the love of our partner. We wish to know that we are really good folks or we at least need the opportunity to refute some of the explanations why they left us.
But this actually is not a healthy perspective to have when you are going through a break up.
Why is this?
Well, you see, you're putting too much significance on what some other person thinks about you and their judgements of you. The very first thing you want to do is pull your "locus of control," as the call it, back within yourself.
You have what they describe as an external locus of control when you look to outside events and circumstances to explain what occurred or to tell you that you are O.K as an individual.
You've an internal locus of control when you look within yourself for these answers.
In the end you want to have an internal locus of control. This can give you much more individual power and help you cope with emotions of rejection from the break up.
It's much healthier to inform yourself that the break up happened because your partner just needed something different in their lives and that you are fully worthy of love as a person rather than to blame yourself or to view this event and evidence that you aren't "worthy" of love.
To get yourself in the habit of doing this, start to watch your thoughts and see whether they're looking outside of yourself or inside yourself for answers to the questions and issues you are dealing with. You can check out my relationship advice blog to learn more about how to do this.
Simply changing the focus of your brain can truly transform your view of life. However, it won't be an overnight transformation. It takes time, patience, and commitment to actually build the practice of focusing your thoughts in an other way. Nevertheless it is definitely worthwhile.
Well, it actually all comes down to how you focus your brain. You see, when you get dumped, you immediately feel an intense sense of rejection.
Your partner just left you for one reason or another, and you'd better accept that this can hurt.
But it's only natural instinct to need to prove ourselves after feelings of rejection. That's why we often try and do stuff like work out "why" we were dumped or win back the love of our partner. We wish to know that we are really good folks or we at least need the opportunity to refute some of the explanations why they left us.
But this actually is not a healthy perspective to have when you are going through a break up.
Why is this?
Well, you see, you're putting too much significance on what some other person thinks about you and their judgements of you. The very first thing you want to do is pull your "locus of control," as the call it, back within yourself.
You have what they describe as an external locus of control when you look to outside events and circumstances to explain what occurred or to tell you that you are O.K as an individual.
You've an internal locus of control when you look within yourself for these answers.
In the end you want to have an internal locus of control. This can give you much more individual power and help you cope with emotions of rejection from the break up.
It's much healthier to inform yourself that the break up happened because your partner just needed something different in their lives and that you are fully worthy of love as a person rather than to blame yourself or to view this event and evidence that you aren't "worthy" of love.
To get yourself in the habit of doing this, start to watch your thoughts and see whether they're looking outside of yourself or inside yourself for answers to the questions and issues you are dealing with. You can check out my relationship advice blog to learn more about how to do this.
Simply changing the focus of your brain can truly transform your view of life. However, it won't be an overnight transformation. It takes time, patience, and commitment to actually build the practice of focusing your thoughts in an other way. Nevertheless it is definitely worthwhile.
About the Author:
Changing your focus is also important to attracting your ex back into your life or to win back her heart.. Also published at Why You Feel Bad After a Break-up.
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