If your partner cheated on you, I'm sincerely sorry to hear that. I know oh so well how painful it can be to have your partner cheat on you. But often the most difficult thing is handling the haunting pictures that appear to endlessly play through your mind twenty four seven and make you feel horrid.
What can you do to stop this damaging thought process and get back in control over your own mind?
Well, I would like to share with you something that is amazingly straightforward, but many people simply do not realize, and that's what is accountable for all negative feelings.
When you feel a negative emotion (and I do mean any bad feeling), it's really because you are focusing your thoughts on what you don't desire.
You see, when you concentrate your mind on what you do not want, you are imagining what you don't want and creating photos of it in your mind. This just reaffirms those haunting pictures of your spouse with another girl, as an example.
Even if you are attempting to avoid or push away the bad thoughts, you're still focusing on the negative outcomes (and thus only adding fuel to the fire). For example, if you decide that you want to avoid feeling hurt again, your mind must first imagine what it is like to be hurt so that you can avoid it.
This is how concentrating on what you do not want creates negative emotions.
If you'd like to stop this self-perpetuating cycle and end the painful feelings and betrayal, you need to instead change your focus to what you do desire.
Instead of avoiding agony and suffering, you almost certainly desire something like happiness, or a loving relationship. Start to ask what it'd be like to feel cheerful or to feel loved.
This will cause your mind to start imagining all the details of what happiness and love would be like in your life.
This is how you take your focus off of the negative and put it on the positive.
First, you recognize that you are focusing on what you do not want.
Then you stop and ask, "Okay, if this is what I do not want, what do I want?"
Then you begin to concentrate on what you do desire.
This could be difficult initially, since the bad feelings you are experiencing have a kind of inertial of their own. But just like exercising a muscle, this may become less complicated with practice and you can start to irradicate the painful feelings and appalling thoughts that rush through your brain after your husband's affair.
You can start to notice whether you are concentrating on what you desire or what you don't want, and when you notice your focus on something you don't want, you can start to purposely change it to something you do want. With continued practice, you can begin to move your life in a positive direction which will help build a starting point for happiness and love in the future.
What can you do to stop this damaging thought process and get back in control over your own mind?
Well, I would like to share with you something that is amazingly straightforward, but many people simply do not realize, and that's what is accountable for all negative feelings.
When you feel a negative emotion (and I do mean any bad feeling), it's really because you are focusing your thoughts on what you don't desire.
You see, when you concentrate your mind on what you do not want, you are imagining what you don't want and creating photos of it in your mind. This just reaffirms those haunting pictures of your spouse with another girl, as an example.
Even if you are attempting to avoid or push away the bad thoughts, you're still focusing on the negative outcomes (and thus only adding fuel to the fire). For example, if you decide that you want to avoid feeling hurt again, your mind must first imagine what it is like to be hurt so that you can avoid it.
This is how concentrating on what you do not want creates negative emotions.
If you'd like to stop this self-perpetuating cycle and end the painful feelings and betrayal, you need to instead change your focus to what you do desire.
Instead of avoiding agony and suffering, you almost certainly desire something like happiness, or a loving relationship. Start to ask what it'd be like to feel cheerful or to feel loved.
This will cause your mind to start imagining all the details of what happiness and love would be like in your life.
This is how you take your focus off of the negative and put it on the positive.
First, you recognize that you are focusing on what you do not want.
Then you stop and ask, "Okay, if this is what I do not want, what do I want?"
Then you begin to concentrate on what you do desire.
This could be difficult initially, since the bad feelings you are experiencing have a kind of inertial of their own. But just like exercising a muscle, this may become less complicated with practice and you can start to irradicate the painful feelings and appalling thoughts that rush through your brain after your husband's affair.
You can start to notice whether you are concentrating on what you desire or what you don't want, and when you notice your focus on something you don't want, you can start to purposely change it to something you do want. With continued practice, you can begin to move your life in a positive direction which will help build a starting point for happiness and love in the future.
About the Author:
If you'd like to learn more about coping with infidelity, please check out my guide to surviving an affair.
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